How to “think” like an Accountant

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After I shown you how to talk like a lawyer without being one, it is just right for me to list down on how you can think like an accountant without being one.
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To tell you the truth, I am not an accountant but been dealing in accounts in some of my projects, so if I am wrong, just ignore it or provide better ones::-
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1. When your parents suppose to give you some money, you consider asking them for the “income receivables”. When they actually give you the money, you consider it as “cash income”
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2. When you have just bought a brand new computer, you take it as a “fixed asset”. However, you have went for a major boobs operation, you consider your “upgraded” boobs as “current asset”
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3. When your friends tells you that your car has no re-sale value and it is a piece of junk, you consider the car as having high “depreciation”
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4. When you received your salary and have set aside the money for your daily expenses, the balance in your bank account is regarded as “operating profit”
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5. However, if your girlfriend wants you to take her for shopping, whatever balance thereafter is now regarded as “pre-tax profit (or loss)”
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6. You consider your girlfriend’s parents as “current liability” whilst her unemployed, “sit all day in front of TV” younger brother as “long term liability”
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7. Your weekly trip to “Magnum 4D” or “Sports Toto” is regarded as a “long term investments” whilst the weekly trip to Genting Highland as “short term investment”
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8. When you have borrowed money from Ah Long (loan shark) but don’t have the cash to pay them, you note it down as “debit Ah Long, credit your limbs”
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9. Your weblog is actually consist of “balance sheet” and “profit & loss”