Do I really look stupid to you or what?

Got this in my gmail yesterday (it’s quite long email, so, please bear with me)….

FROM: MAXWELL KHUMALO

TEL:+27-83 360 4199

EMAIL:maxwellkhumalo20@hotmail.com

ATTN:C.E.O,

With due respect, trust and humility, I use this medium to write this letter to you irrespective of the fact that you do not know me, but please do consider this letter as a request from a family in dare need of assistance.Let me formally introduce myself. I am MAXWELL KHUMALO, the son of LATE.DR.GOODWILL KHUMALO, the renowned Zimbabwean Wine and Cattle Ranch farmer. I got your contact courtesy of a business journal from the South African Information Exchange in my earnest search for a reliable andtrustworthy individual/company who can assist me in this business.

During the war waged against the farmers in Zimbabwe by the supporters and cohorts of President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white owned farms in our country, my late father belonged to one of the classes of farmers targeted by the ZANU-PF armed group, because he did not support their ideas andpolicies. In the course of the revolution in the country, the ZANU-PF armed group attacked and invaded my father’s farms burning, destroying and eventually killing him. After my father’s death last year, I managed to escape the boundaries of Zimbabwe into South Africa with my mother, because our lives were threatened and Zimbabwe was no longer safe for us. We escaped safely into South Africa with my father’s lifetime fortune of US$25 (TWENTY FIVE MILLION USDollars) cash, bonds, important documents of property title and other valuables, which he instructed I his son on before his death.

The money and valuables were concealed and secured in one big treasure box, and were transported to Johannesburg through diplomatic means. The box are currently safely secured in the vaults of a private security and brokerage firm here in Johannesburg.Presently, I am residing temporarily with my mother in Johannesburg pending the outcome of an appeal filed on my behalf by my attorney for the Department of Home Affairs to grant us political asylum. At the moment, I am in a dilemma on how to move this money safely out of South Africa for investments.

Moreover ,due to South Africa’s government’s stringent monetary policies/regulations and the sensitive and volatile political status of the region, it would be most dangerous to attempt investments here as such act could jeopardize our chances. In recognition of your personal executive powers and investmentopportunities that abound in your country, I solicit for your assistance in moving this money into your bank account for safekeeping pending our future arrival for investments.My mother and I have resolved to compensate you adequately by offering a brokerage commission of 20% of the money. We have also earmarked 5% for pre-transfer expenses we may incur in the course of the transaction and guarantee that any other expenses during the transaction are subject to refund.

I have in mind to establish a good business and friendly relationship with you in the nearest future if you are able to assist us. Please let me receive your approval or reply through this my email address above or phone number above and feel free to ask any questions you may consider relevant and kindly, send your phone and fax number for easier communication.

If you are unable to assist please be kind to notify me so that I can look for a suitable alternative. Please accept my warm compliments, as Iearnestly await for your urgent response

Best regard,MR.MAXWELL KHUMALO

THIS IS MY ALTERNATIVE EMAIL ADDRESS(maxwellkhumalo30@hotmail.com).

YOU CAN CONTACT ME WITH IT.

First of all, I am not a CEO of any company so I know “Khumalo” actually does not really knows me (although I have been to South Africa for a very brief period).

Secondly, who in the fucking world want to depart with USD25 million to a complete stranger, half way around the world? Which mean this could mean only one thing…a classic African scam(unfortunately, there are still people around the world still falling for such scams).

Finally, having names like “Maxwell” (maximize very well?) and “Goodwill” (goodwill, my foot) did not really convince me.

I could have ignored the mail and go on with my life. However, I decided to reply the mail with this statement:-

“Do yourself a big favor….please don’t cheat people. Don’t send unnecessary emails to complete strangers. It could be mistaken for spam. Don’t do it because then people like me may start to curse you and you may end up being sent to hell. Thanks”

Do I look stupid to you?

A few good men

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Some people can write well…I mean they can write really, really well. They can stir up our emotions. They can reach deep down into our conscience. At times, they can make us think critically and act positively.

One such person is Brendan Pereira who wrote an excellent article in the NST last week.

Another was the dialogues in the final scene in the movie “A Few Good Men” where Jack Nicholson playing Col. Nathan R. Jessep said this:-

“You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives…You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

We use words like honor, code, loyalty…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use ’em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!”

Powerful words indeed!

Tamil Serials (God save us!)

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(The “intense” moments from serial Metti Oli. Image source: Sun TV)

It was funny yet quite a realistic scenario in most of the Indian homes…”Man breaks TV to get wife’s attention

Despite of having my mom, my sister and my wife as loyal Tamil serial viewers, thankfully for me, we have not reached such critical stage (yet). From 9.00 pm to 11.00 pm, the women in my house are glued to Channel 73 of Astro to see these serials:-

9.00 pm – Kolangal – story of the “struggle” of a woman in business world
9.30 pm – Manaivi – story of the “struggle” of a husband & wife
10.00 pm – Nimmadhi – story of the “struggle” of a brother & his 5 sisters (or was it 6 sisters? I lost count)
10.30 pm – Metti Oli – story of the “struggle” of a father & his 5 daughters

Note the similarities?

  • All stories are about the struggle of something or someone. No comedies! No motivational stories. It always had been about someone sacrificing something for someone else. Just imagine of watching 2 hours of watching tense stories just before bedtime. I won’t be surprised if people are having nightmares after that.
  • Each episode is way too short to make up a good understanding of what’s happening in the story. It is even worse if you have tragedy or death in any of the episodes. We will spend almost 20 minutes watching people crying, crying, crying and crying. Minus the balance 10 minutes for advertisements (normally just enough time to dash to the toilet and be back) and other minor, minor scenes (such as “walking along the road side”…normally shown for 2 – 3 minutes).
  • The entire story is too long and winding (…the song “Never Ending Story” in the background). Metti Oli was running at 811 episodes (the last time I saw). I think if I compress all the episodes and weed out the unnecessary scenes (such as the crying scenes), I can make a good story running for less than 20 – 30 episodes.
  • The very familiar words of “akan bersambung” or “to be continued” frustrate many viewers including the women at home. Speculations will then run high with a lot of comments from other people. Some even do the extra “research” from the net. Others take the easy route of renting/buying the entire serials on VCD and spend an intense week to watch it all
  • Once Astro have complete showing a particular serials, it will be shown again as re-runs in either TV3 or NTV7 prompting another cycle of intense viewing

Read Also

The Tamil Movie that I Hate

Clash of the Titans Part 2

Top 5 reasons – Ghana, West Africa

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Malaysia and Ghana (in West Africa) gained their independence from the British in the same year, 1957 but Malaysia have somehow leaped Ghana in development by almost 20 years since then.

I was in Ghana last year for almost 5 months and for those who might be traveling there, there are top 5 reasons why it is difficult for Malaysian to stay in Ghana, West Africa

1. There is no 24 hours “kedai mamak” (which means there are no teh tarik and roti canai and most shops closed by 9.00 pm, quite boring!)

2. There are no movie theaters (at least at TGV standard but luckily they have satellite TV stations – similar to our Astro)
3. There is no hypermarket or malls (but have plenty of sundry shops, biggest is 2 storey but sufficient for our daily needs – Maggi Tomato & Panasonic batteries are imported from Malaysia. Ya, Malaysia boleh!)
4. There is an 8 hours difference between Malaysia and Ghana (Tired of getting phone calls from the office at 2.00 am Ghana time – 9.00 am Malaysian time)
5. Cost of living is too high – almost everything is too expensive (a typical nasi goreng biasa cost RM20.00 when it is only RM1.50 at my local mamak stall)

On the brighter side:-

1. They have Proton cars! (Saw a few in Ghana, surprisingly, still in good condition)

2. There are Indian & Chinese restaurants serving very familiar Malaysian dishes (like mee soup, chapatti, chinese tea, etc)
3. The weather is similar to Cameron Highland (no so cooling as it used to be but still more cooling than KL)
4. There are fast food restaurant serving fried chicken, burgers and pizzas (the fried chicken & burgers are actually taste better and in bigger portions in Ghana)
5. People are generally friendly and polite (at least there is no snatch thieves and Malaysian are generally treated as VIPs)

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* As seen from air while approaching Accra, the capital of Ghana. This was after almost 16 hours of flight via Dubai. Very tiring!

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* Makola market area (seen from the building where I was working). You can almost find everything and anything here. Market starts from 7.00 am to 8.00 pm. Interesting view to see if we are not tied with the assignment

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* My good friend, Michael who was also the driver of the 4WD and escort during my stay in Ghana. A very humble guy with one kid and I rate his driving skills at a rating at 11 out of 10.

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* One of the training rooms set for Ghanaians. They have one of the very latest workstations for training purposes but unfortunately some uses it to play solitaire.

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* Malaysia Boleh! Saw at least 7 Proton Wiras. Felt strange of being happy to see a Proton (duh!)

Like to spend time watching….this

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How I wish I can come back home and relax with my wife & son watching this….

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* Taken with my digital camera during one of my trips to Port Dickson where my wife and I spent our time watching the sun go down. Felt so romantic and relaxing

Cooking Class Made Simple

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Yesterday my wife decided to cook a simple dish for dinner – fried Rice vermicelli or better known as fried mee hoon (also known as mee boon in some part of the country). It is part of my “weight-reducing” strategy.

So, for the newbie who wanted to cook one but not sure how to do, let me share the know-how. Of course, you can always check on the net for details (Google search shows 32,600 records for “mee hoon” alone):-

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* The raw ingredients – onions, garlic, eggs, “udang kering” (a must!), chili powder and fresh chilies – all easy to get from the local sundry shop

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* Oh ya, don’t forget, the mee hoon. Must be soaked in water before cooking

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* Cook the raw ingredients first with a bit of oil and water and salt.

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* Draw out the water unless you are thinking of doing mee hoon soup instead

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* Mix the mee hoon with the raw ingredients and stir it until well cooked (make sure you have a strong arm to do the stirring or else get your husband or boyfriend who is relaxing with his PC, as in my case, to do the stirring for you)

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* Dinner all served! Smaller plate for me so that I would eat less at night. Sigh

Another attempt to lose weight (comments)

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Thanks you guys…the Blogger comment page is freaking out again. All previous comments went missing when installed Haloscan (sorry!)

I have not touched nasi lemak for the last few days. The “force” is strong with me for now (ha ha). I know ultimately I need to do it (I mean exercise) for the final push to reduce weight. I will post on my results and if I did any new “experiments”. Will be following Din’s progress as well (adding pressure on Din pula…he he) and with Mystic for further tips

Another attempt to lose weight

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That’s right, inspired by Din…I am trying another attempt to lose weight. I was a bit heroic last month when I managed to reduce 5 kg within 1 week but temptation is just too strong for me to continue

This is also the time when my wife’s cooking got better and I enjoyed eating more of her dishes.

A trip to Tesco Hypermarket couple of weeks ago was a blessing in disguise. I discovered “Tummy Trimmer Powder”. It was not expensive…just RM23.90. Tasted exactly like Milo and can be taken before or during normal meal. Been taking for 2 weeks now and I can feel slight improvements.

Ya, probably I was expecting miracles but I don’t mind a little help from food supplements. I have cut down the morning nasi lemaks but been eyeing the new nasi lemak shop near my house for dinners (haaa….temptations, temptations!!)

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* An array of “arsenals” to fight the stubborn fats around my stomach and ahem…back(side). Bring it on brother

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* Promising words from Tummy Trimmer…”formulated…to lose fat” “tones flabby stomach muscles”, etc. I am not sure it is working for me but it is working wonders for my wife. She is actually gaining weight!

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* Damn!! I can’t see…something around my stomach area is blocking my view. What a bad way of reminding me that I am overweight.

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* Ha, that’s better! What the f@#k? This morning, the scale showed 90 kg. Now it is showing 92.5 kg! I could not just gained 2.5 kgs within couple of hours! (or is it due to the 2 nasi lemaks with sotong which I just ate)

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* That ought to teach the bathroom scale a lesson on showing the “right” weight

What the bloody hell he is talking about?

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Yes, it is an old story by now….

From the Parliament Hansard dated 21st June 2006

Menteri di Jabatan Perdana Menteri [Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul
Aziz]:
Ya, duduk, duduk, duduk, duduk, racist, ini Ipoh Barat racist, duduk, duduk. Duduk, perkauman, perkauman, perkauman, ini perkauman, duduk, cukup….
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Perkauman, perkauman, perkauman, saya punya meja.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Perkauman Ipoh Barat, Ipoh Barat perkauman.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Bloody racist, racist, racist, racist [Dengan perasaan yang marah]
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Racist, itu hal-hal racist. Itu perkauman, perkauman, perkauman punya ahli parlimen.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Ipoh Barat, duduk, sudah habis, saya punya meja. You perkauman, duduk, saya punya meja.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Mahu beri 500 India, itu perkauman……. [Dewan menjadi gamat dan riuh seketika]
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Duduk, perkauman, you are racist, racist, you are racist, you have got no place in this country. Malaysia tidak hendak racist, you are racist.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Racist, baca usul, Ipoh Barat racist, duduk, racist.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Racist, racist duduk, racist duduk. Hei, duduk, perkauman duduk, bloody racist, duduk.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Racist duduk, duduk, perkauman duduk, duduk.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Ya, saya baca usul, ya saya baca usul, saya baca usul.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Huh racist, sila duduk racist, ya, racist. Tuan Yang di-Pertua, Tuan Yang di-Pertua….
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Tarik balik, tarik balik racist, Tuan Yang di-Pertua…: .
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Sana tarik balik, duduk, sana tarik balik, you are racist!
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Bloody racist, perkauman, tidak ada tarik balik.
Dato’ Seri Mohamed Nazri bin Abdul Aziz: Racist, sana tarik balik, tarik balik. [Dewan masih gamat]

You know what I feel like doing after reading the Hansard? I feel like taking off my shoe and give a good whack on his face. I really don’t care who is right and who is wrong in the debate. I really don’t care about the issue in debate but the way Nazri acted was just a disgrace for an elected official.

First of all, learn to speak proper English or Bahasa Malaysia. Please do not use Bahasa Rojak. It is an insult to the Bahasa Kebangsaan and English (so more using the word “bloody” here and there…I going to puke):-

Samples of a good bahasa rojak:-

“itu hal-hal racist”
“Malaysia tidak hendak racist”
“tarik balik racist”

WTF!!!

Secondly, if people are asking questions, learn to answer professionally. Please don’t be a “kedai mamak” politician. It seems like it is a clear attempt to sideline the main issue and create hooliganism as detraction.

Professional answers would not have words like “Bloody racist, perkauman, tidak ada tarik balik”. Professional answer would have words like “Yang Berhormat, sila tarik balik pernyataan tuan kerana kenyataan itu boleh menyebabkan pertegangan diantara kaum” (Damn! I think I can speak better Bahasa compared to some MPs there)

Thirdly….who is the racist here? I read the Hansard report couple of times and I don’t see any racist statements other than Nazri’s statement. Even the other “Yang Berhormats” are confused as I am. Perhaps Nazri would care to clarify?

Fourthly, what the f@*k he is talking about his “meja” (another insult to the Bahasa Kebangsaan grammer?).

Looking at all these “tarik balik– tarik balik”, I am going for my teh tarik now. At least, that is a “tarik” which I can enjoy (I am tired of the word “racist”)

Is Proton still cheating you?

If you felt cheated on the price and quality of Proton cars, I don’t blame you. It is a fact that Proton sells cars at an exorbitant price in a government protected sector. It is a fact that you can buy better (and cheaper) cars if Proton was not protected.It is a sad fact that most of us have no choice but to buy Proton

The question is do you still feel cheated on the after-sales services? My Proton’s 60,000 km warranty expired recently and I was able to take my car to the car service workshop near my house.

A quick comparison of similar items between private workshop (CKW) in Puchong and Proton Edar Service Centre Puchong (PES) is as follows:-

Labor Charge
RM20.00 (CKW) [2 full time mechanics]
RM100.00 (PES) [includes PES mechanic going for his teh tarik 2 times in the mid of servicing my car]

Oil Filter
RM9.00 (CKW) [Original Proton Parts]
RM11.85 (PES)

Brake Fluid
RM25.00 (CKW) [Change of entire brake fluid]
RM24.00 (PES) [Just top up]

Note the differences now? If I convert the time spent at the service centre at RM1.00 per minute, the differences is going to be like this:-

CKW – parked my car at 10.00 am (on Sunday) and service all done by 11.30 am. Total minutes spent: 90 minutes = RM90.00

PES– parked my car at 6.30 am (must be working day! PES do not do any services on Sat or Sun) and service all done at 2.00 pm. Total minutes spent: 450 minutes = RM450.00

Extra minutes wasted in PES are 360 minutes = 6 hours! (not including the cost of 3 teh tariks and 2 nasi lemaks during my waiting time at PES)

Do I feel cheated on the after-sales service? Look at the above differences and tell me…sigh

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Too many Protons owners in the house. There is another Proton car key lying on the table. Too much for comfort (damn need to change car already!)

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